work focuses on helping you to open your heart; it is an amazingly
rich and powerful experience that can help you:
a more fulfilling relationship with yourself, mate, children,
friends and work.
your own sense of self-trust and well-being.
conflict that can get in the way
of intimately connecting with others.
the following situations, choose the response you think would
give you better feelings about yourself and be most fulfilling.
There are no right or wrong answers.
A sexual experience in which
You find out your teenage child has been smoking marijuana.
Your employee has not been following through on her commitments.
You find out that your spouse has been lying to you.
You are not happy with your job.
you had difficulty deciding on your answers, don't believe that
there are no wrong answers, or just want to learn more about fulfillment,
or Open Heart
"A" answers reflect a closed heart. Hearts routinely
close when we are afraid of losing something we are convinced we
need for our sense of well-being, such as approval or a relationship.
The resulting protective feelings are hard and cold. For example,
the fear of losing a relationship creates jealousy, blame, depression
or anger, and the controlling behaviors that follow which include
accusations, yelling, hitting, criticism, and withdrawal are uncaring.
The fear of losing money creates greed, and the controlling behaviors
that follow which include an insatiable desire to accumulate wealth
or preying on others are uncaring.
closed hearts produce many difficulties for others and ourselves,
and never leave us feeling fulfilled, they are not wrong
or bad. Hearts close as a result of compelling fears. Without
that understanding, you're likely to hear yourself saying things
like, "He's really a jerk," "She's really a bitch"
or "I'm such an idiot." Disrespectful judgements result
when hearts close to closed hearts.
previous paragraph flies in the face of conventional knowledge and
it is understandable if it's somewhat confusing. But, respecting
closed heart feelings and behavior is an important part of dismantling
the beliefs and behaviors that leave us unsatisfied. For that reason,
it is a central focus of Fulfillment Coaching.
"B" answers reflect an open heart. When hearts
open, soft and warm feelings, such as compassion and joy, flow naturally.
With compassion, protective feelings and behavior are never condoned
or justified. They are met with the faith that you handle
whatever occurs. Faith allows you either to keep your heart open
in loving acceptance or, if a negative judgement is present, opens
a desire to understand feelings and behavior until loving acceptance
is reached. Faith is the antidote to control. Maintaining openness
and caring, even in the face of difficulties leaves us feeling good
about ourselves and allows for the two actions needed for fulfillment
an openness to learning and being
any given situation, you may realize that you have responded with
a closed heart and still choose not to open. The negative consequences
of keeping your heart closed may outweigh risking the vulnerability
of an open heart. That decision is understandable and respectable.
But, feeling the pain and sadness from that choice gives you another
Coaching is rooted in the question,
"Is my heart open?" because realizing that your heart
is not open, opens the possibility of doing something about it.
Although a closed heart is responsible for most of our dissatisfaction,
we typically get stuck in the belief that others are causing our
unhappiness. The magic of "the question" is that it offers
the opportunity to emerge from the quagmire of being a victim and
learn to find peace of mind without having to get others to change.
Questions After "The Question"
from the yoke of believing something outside of you must change
before you can be happy, you can experience the personal power that
comes from taking charge of your life. In the ongoing search for
finding greater fulfillment, an openness to learning will guide
you to confronting questions such as:
What would it look and feel like to have my heart open?
is closing my heart responsible for my feelings of dissatisfaction
am I afraid would happen if I keep my heart open?
can I reopen my heart once I have closed it?
do I need to do to overcome the blocks to keeping my heart open
more of the time?
Being of service is an integral part of the journey toward
For most people, the word "conflict" conjures up
many negative thoughts and feelings relating to war or battles,
being wounded or losing.
here to know what is My Role as Coach